Director: Randal Kleiser
Starring: Amanda Bynes, Chris Carmack, Jonathan
RunTime: 1 hr 26 mins
Released By: Shaw
Day: 24 August 2006
a Caribbean cruise, Jenny (Bynes) is marooned on a beach with
her rock and roll idol. Deliriously in love with the idea
of time alone with him, she manages to hide the fact that
they're a stones throw away from their resort.
short version: “Lovewrecked” is about a girl who
ends up marooned on a deserted island with her favourite rock
star, only to find out later that they’re not marooned.
long version: “Lovewrecked” is about the impossibly
myopic Jenny Riley, who encounters the “rock star”
she worships when he visits the holiday resort where she’s
working. She stalks him immediately, in the hope that should
he fall off a yacht in the middle of a thunderstorm, she would
be there to jump right after him, so that they would be marooned
together on a deserted island. And whaddya know, it happens,
only they aren’t so much on a deserted island as on
the other side of the very island they think they’re
marooned from. Unfortunately, the moment the lady finds this
out is also the moment she realizes she’s a tramp, so
she keeps it from the pretty boy, plotting to work her womanly
wiles on him so that she may become Mrs. Pretty Boy after
the whole ordeal is over.
think I’m kidding, but I’m really not. There is
not one modicum of sense to be found in all 90 minutes of
this thankfully short movie. Case in point: how is it that
a holiday resort employee’s room winds up bigger than
a normal hotel suite? Probably when you’re Amanda Bynes.
Neither is there any evidence of thoughtful editing, as scenes
bump clumsily into the next without direction or purpose,
each arriving as though surprised at having done so. Nor is
there any form of credible writing; the dialogue reads like
a rejected book of clichés. A rejected book of clichés
written by a group of sexually starved sixteen-year-old boys
desperately trying to mask their burgeoning libidos with overused
sensitive-new-age-guy babble. Add to that their narcissistic
attempts at understanding the opposite sex and you get dialogue
such as “I know he’s the one,” and “See
you around, beautiful.” There is not enough gagging
in the world that can appropriately greet the latter quote.
even Amanda Bynes’ restless charm, so effortless in
“She’s the Man”, could have injected life
into this zombie of a movie. Most of the time she just looked
bored. It might be interesting to note that Bynes filmed “Lovewrecked”
in 2004 and the movie has only been scheduled to open two
years later in six unfortunate countries, right after the
credible showing of “She’s the Man”. Odds
are “Lovewrecked” was probably left unfinished
in 2004 but sewn together two hours after “She’s
the Man” opened to box office success.
other actors in the movie were similarly likeable enough but
even they looked like they couldn’t believe what they’d
gotten themselves into. To be fair, the writers’ running
dig at the commercial-crazy entertainment industry was a somewhat
clever stroke, but that’s arguably up to interpretation.
The million-dollar question: can you trust a movie loaded
on fart jokes, fat girl jokes, “saucy” girl-on-girl
fights and sexist undertones to be capable of irony? I can’t.
is like “Blue Lagoon” for the MTV age, which is
as bad as it sounds and worse. Proceed at own risk)
by Angeline Chui